The trouble with so much kit.

I admit I have a problem. I'm forever drooling over the next bit of kit that I would love for my premises. I'm an equipment junkie! I'm forever telling myself, oh and those who will listen that I'm buying no more, I've got enough and this latest purchase is my very last. I see people around me roll their eyes every time I say that, heck I roll my eyes too as it's got to be the worst porkie I've let spill from my lips. When I'm away on holiday I have someone who looks after my premises. When I come back he mentions he's had a look in all the drawers, in all the cupboards and all the boxes and states 'You seriously cannot NEED any more kit'! I have to admit to him that I've not NEEDED any more kit for at least 4 years now. Everything I buy is because I've been drooling over it, because I want it, and because I think I'll have so much fun using it. Admittedly I've made mistakes over the years. I've bought things that ended up gathering dust or have been lying in a drawer forgotten about for years. However, I'm a more discerning shopper these days. Everything I buy I've been thinking about, researching and lusting after for a while. Usually that's a good benchmark for me. If my mind wanders back to it time and time again then that's a good indicator that I'd like it and I should buy it. So I make very few, if any mistakes with my purchasing these days. By the time I purchase something I've had my eye on it for anything from 6 months plus. I'm not much of an impulse buyer these days.

One part of finally admitting that I'm a latex fetishist is to acknowledge that for the most part, I'm not purchasing latex so much for my business, that it's more because I really really want to have said latex item. It might be for me to wear, for visitors to my premises to wear or kit for me to use on them. At the moment I've got my eye on another lovely inflatable ball hood as well as an inflatable latex bodybag, something I've been thinking about for a long time. Due to my addiction to latex, I have an affinity with others who love kit. I totally get how excited someone could get over something they've never tried, or even something they have tried and love. Recently I've got something new for my medical room that has loads of chrome. I'm in love. The chrome just brings a lovely warm feeling to me. I've been ridiculously excited about getting this piece of kit for years. I've been waiting for the universe to send me the perfect one, and that's just what she did. Touching it and running my hands all over it is such a tactile delight.

So having said all that, why do I get slightly miffed when someone asks to come see me specifically to use or have used on them, one part of my kit? Especially as I know what it's like to be in love with, and lust after some of my latex toys. Well there are various reasons. One main reason is that if I agree to see you because you specifically love X piece of kit, then I'm more or less agreeing to use it on you. I'd be a machine operator at best. You would be in control and I'd be subservient to you. Another reason touches on this too, it would make me feel like I'm surplus to requirements. That I'm not actually needed. That the part of me that I value the most, my personality and individuality, is something you are devaluing; that you only care that I have a pulse, and that I've got X piece of kit. Sessioning together should be first and foremost about you and I. The premises and the kit should just be the icing on the cake. If you feel differently about it, then that too is fine. I'm probably not the best person for you to apply to serve.