* Edited to add that this post is not written by me, it's written by someone who visits me*
I hope you enjoy reading this one as much as I did.
1. Do you recall when you first had a fetish/submissive/masochistic thought or idea?
I would sometimes play a game of "prisoners" with a girl who lived in my street. I was about seven or eight. My most vivid memory is of a time she had "captured" me and it was decided I would be "imprisoned" under her bed. I remember wriggling feet-first into the narrow gap, lying face upwards with the underside of the mattress a few inches away, hemmed in by boxes on each side and enjoying the feeling of being "trapped" in an enclosed space, helpless and under someone else's control. I also remember thinking that the punishment would be worse - and also more enjoyable, though I didn't understand how those two things should be connected - if I had no clothes on. I can't remember whether I was bold enough to suggest that - if I did it was ignored or rejected - but I do clearly remember thinking it. So my very first sexual memory was of confinement, lack of control, and submission.
2. How did you feel about it at the time?
The experience felt good, although I was aware it was naughty and that it wouldn't have been appropriate to be naked. It certainly gave me feelings that I hadn't had before, although I wasn't sure why they were pleasurable. It was never repeated or mentioned again that I can remember.
3. Did you ever feel it or you were wrong or abnormal?
Later on, a lot of my thoughts and fantasies centred on capture and imprisonment, and often restraint - sometimes I was the captor, sometimes the captive. But I didn't feel abnormal, and I wasn't really troubled by guilt. Curiosity was the strongest impulse, and it led me to some enjoyable teenage experiments. I was happy to accept that all this just reflected the way I was, and as it was all contained in my own imagination anyway, I felt it was harmless.
4. How long did it take and what was the process for you to accept your interests?
By the time I was in my mid teens, I had found some Forum magazines. Some of the letters pages and articles contained fantasies that chimed with mine, and in a few cases fuelled them. I stored the magazines away and revisited them often. I was much more interested in the written word, in other people's experiences and fantasies, than I was in the idea of the more traditional photo magazines, and that's still the case for me. I remember one story in the letters page which I liked a lot - it was about a dominant couple, he male and she bisexual, who took a submissive couple, male and female, both straight, on holiday to a villa for a week. The submissive couple were naked at all times, and the dominant couple devised daily torments for them. Sometimes I would identify with the submissive in the story, sometimes the dominant, sometimes I would read the story as if a voyeur, but I also enjoyed the sense of creativity that it suggested could be a part of sex. I collected a few issues of Forum, and I learned from these letters pages what turned me on and what didn't, though I realise now I was lucky not to be conflicted about it - to me, it was just my particular taste, like a taste in clothes or food.
5. When did you first dabble in fetish/submission/masochism with someone else?
I was around 20, with a girlfriend. I think the lack of previous guilt made it easier to suggest that we might try a little bondage - it seemed to me that if I had these feelings, she might also. Sometimes she would tie me to the bed at my request, and she was happy to occasionally indulge that, though I knew that she didn't enjoy the dominance as much as I did the surrender. There was no role-play, but we were sometimes able to play in a way that satisfied my submissive side. I very much looked forward to the times she would let me kneel between her legs while she read or wrote, licking and kissing her, feeling my sole purpose was to pleasure her and take no pleasure myself.
6. What would you say has been the best and worst thing about being a fetishist/submissive/masochist?
For me the intensity of the experiences that I have had, when with someone compatible, have been the most positive outcomes of my kinks. Other people choose to access their moments of intensity in other ways - alcohol, drugs, risk-taking - but I know this is my key. Each of the most satisfying and pleasurable moments has created a memory to treasure. The down side is that the frustration of knowing that these moments must be rare; I cannot have a lifestyle that permits frequent fulfilment, but I'm hardly alone in that.