So the idea was to ask a few of my chaps a list of questions. Not because I didn't know the answer, but because I thought it might be interesting for others out there to realise that what they feel, or how they have felt is something someone else has been feeling too. Alternatively, it can be an opportunity to get another perspective on the different people with whom I engage.
So I asked these questions to people who identify on the whole as being submissive, people who identify as masochists and people who identify as fetishists. Bear in mind though that there is usually to a lesser or greater degree a crossover with these different aspects of themselves.
Hope you enjoy and find it interesting.
Interview with a Wicked Woman!
1. Do you recall when you first had a fetish/submissive/masochistic thought or idea?
Looking back, my first thoughts were all fetish-based, evolving over time through masochism and into my submission as it stands today. My first thought was when I was about 4, related to playing with cowboy and indian figures and a toy jail. I wondered what it would be like to be locked up, and could feel something stirring, but I had no idea what. Over the next few years, similarly innocent triggers induced comparable feelings, from medieval TV programmes to toy handcuffs.
2. How did you feel about it at the time?
The early fetishistic thoughts were very odd, I could never pigeonhole them and really struggled to understand. Instinctively, I never shared them with anyone, there was a definite feeling of “wrong” attached. The submissive aspect of me made itself known when I was a seething mass of teenage hormones. Looking back, it’s difficult to separate the chaos of my evolving vanilla sexuality (and for which at least I had a reference point with my peers), and my submission (which I had nothing to compare with). My submission was a very ethereal feeling that didn’t really begin to crystallise until my mid-20s, and even then was just a tiny feeling compared to what it is now.
3. Did you ever feel it or you were wrong or abnormal?
Absolutely, I definitely felt abnormal, and thought such feelings were entirely wrong. The main issue was having no reference point to compare against. This was compounded by knowing that it was never something I could discuss with anyone. It was only when I was about 25 that I first spoke to someone about it. It started as a bit of a joke on my part, a way to broach the subject but to leave a suitable escape route, just in case. Any early conversations barely scratched the surface of what I now understand I was feeling.
4. How long did it take and what was the process for you to accept your interests?
It’s been gradual, heading on 20 years, to fully accept, define and understand to the current level. Key to making sense of it has been the knowledge and security gained by exploring it in the correct circumstances and context. I guess I’ve been lucky in whom I have met over the years, in terms of providing me with experiences and reference points to frame my submission, and people who I have been able to engage with at an increasing level of understanding. I’m a naturally introspective person too, which helps. Oh, and an Internet full of information was very helpful, not least in helping me to discern and discard the unhealthy elements. It’s a continual process, because my view has evolved over time. My submissive side is very clearly delineated, and outside of a very specific context, I am most definitely not submissive. That realisation has also been key.
5. When did you first dabble in fetish/submission/masochism with someone else?
When I was about 25 – the approach of using humour resulted in some very light bondage, so a little bit of fetishism and submission. At the time, it felt relatively extreme, very daring. After that, it’s just built and built, every time I have thought that there was nothing new, I’ve been lucky to be able to explore to the next level.
6. What would you say has been the best and worst thing about being a fetishist/submissive/masochist?
Can I choose several best things? One is that there is constant mental evolution, and there is always something new to try or experience. By engaging my submissive side, it’s like the final piece in my personal puzzle, and has a very positive impact on everything else in my life. It results in super self-confidence, a huge amount of self-belief. It’s a real passion, an immense feeling of belonging. I can’t think of anything else in life that could evoke that, to the degree which I experience. I am very lucky to be where I am, I do know that.
The worst thing is…frustration and sadness that I can only share it with a limited number of people, and even fewer understand my true depth of feeling. If you’ve got a vanilla hobby, you can go around describing the experience, the great round of golf you had at the weekend, the additions to your stamp collection, the trains you spotted, the fish you caught. I do wonder if people think that I have a relatively dull life, because as far as they are concerned there is a black hole when they ask, “What have you been up to lately?” If I could tell you why I’m bouncing around like an eight year old at Christmas time, I would. Unfortunately, you just wouldn’t understand…