Saturday, 23 February 2013

Tie and tease, or torment?

What do you think of when you hear the term tie and tease? Do you think of being in bondage of some description, having no control, letting go? Do you think of feeling helpless and vulnerable? Do you think of feeling cocooned, safe and nurtured? Ok, so that's the tie part of it. Some people will identify with a few of these descriptions, a few might identify with them all but most people will agree that the tie part usually involves some sort of bondage. It can be leather, rope, latex, chains, bodybags or even just some simple silk scarfs depending on your likes.

The tease part is a little more difficult to define. Some people see being in bondage and having anything done to them as tease. For a foot or shoe fetishist the tease could be a beautiful foot or heel kept just close enough to tempt, but not enough to worship. Some people will associate sexual provocativeness as a tease, something akin to what you'd expect at a lapdancing bar. And then some might have images of the Top/Domme/Mistress gently fonding their nether regions and edging them to the point of orgasm, and pulling back, as tease. Then, possibly in there somewhere, is the definition the Top/Domme/Mistress might give to tease.

I specifically say on my website that I don't enjoy tie and tease. Someone recently pointed out that his definition of tie and tease was very much akin to what was described in a past blog here. I found this interesting and made me reflect on what my definition was, and how I came to form that definition. I was reminded of my early days as a Pro Domme. I had been playing on the scene for a number of years but even so, my play partner head count was probably quite low. So when it came to offering sessions, there were a number of areas I'd no idea if I would enjoy or not. I remember being open minded about them to see how much I'd like or dislike activities. In those early days I was not a discerning about my selection process. This led to me sessioning with people who, in hindsight, would have been better seeing someone else. That's all part of the learning curve of becoming a good Pro Domme; knowing who will gel with you and who won't. Back then I had some unsavoury experiences with people whose primary interest was tie and tease. I've been lunged at, groped, fondled and letched after. I stopped one or two sessions half way through and had words, I threatened to throw them out the door and then I vowed to never see them again. In all of these cases the person would have been better seeing an escort. I didn't enjoy the sessions and felt dirty afterwards. I made a decision to no longer do tie and tease.

Getting back to the present day, I still turn down people whose primary interest is tie and tease. Firstly because I see what I do as more of a tie and torment. But secondly, I do that sort of thing when the mood takes me, when the atmosphere lends itself to it, or the body in front of me is just crying out to be tormented. I still wouldn't want to do it if it was primarily penis centric. By that I mean if the person wants it all to be about his penis and what I will do to it. I want atmosphere, I want power exchange, I want us both to feed off each others energy. I want us both to be in the moment creating a scene that will live on in our minds. Being all about the end result after much work on my part, working you up......well that sounds just a tad too vanilla for me.

Lady Annisa
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  1. I agree, an enjoyable session isn't about the "end result", it's about everything that happens during it. I enjoy tie and tease very much as part of the session mix. I would add "mindgames" to the elements of "tease" which you have identified. Lots of fun to be had by both players providing that the slave recognises and accepts that there is a big difference between what is talked about and what can be acted out. The sort of loutish behaviour you describe is simply not acceptable.

  2. Thank you John, it's always interesting to read your comments...:)