Monday, 30 January 2012

You can't always get what you want

But sometimes....just sometimes, what you get is just what you want or need.

I've got a fairly new (six months or so) slut that I'm enjoying playing with. Where we are now with our play is very far removed in one respect from where we started, but in another we are just exactly where we started. Let me explain. I feel headspace wise we are far removed from where we started, the physical activities are much the same as where we started though we are moving things up a gear every time we session.

To get the full picture I have to go back to the beginning. When we first started corresponding about sessioning he admitted he had never seen a Mistress before but had a fair bit of experience with certain activities with a partner and hoped to expand on this. He certainly seemed submissive and wanted to submit. All well and good. Our interests match, we sessioned and both of us had a great time. We seemed to have a good chemistry that worked for both of us in session. He wrote some feedback a week or so later that confirmed he had enjoyed it as much as I had and wanted to come back for ongoing training on a regular basis. Then a little bit of a stumbling block for me was sneaked in at the end of this feedback. He would like to confine the two hour session to his two most favourite activities....!!!

 Cue my reaction above!!!

Ok, in all seriousness I did a very frank and honest reply saying I would find it very restrictive and boring should I stick to two activities, it does not lend itself to Female Domination, more like service provider and leaves me no room for creativity. Also he would know exactly what was going to happen each time he visited me so there would be no element of surprise, who wants that? I finished by saying that I thought he should think about approaching another Mistress to see if anyone else would be happy to continue his training.

A few months later he wrote back asking me to reconsider. He accepted that I wasn't a service provider and had felt he worded things wrongly, in doing so it made it appear that he was not submissive and that he wasn't looking for me to take control. Over the course of the next few emails it became apparent that the problem was just one of communication. We both viewed Female Domination the same way, had the same ideas about me being in control but it was just difficult for him initially to articulate the feelings he had about submitting and separating them from activities. We agreed to give sessioning another try knowing I might do his favourite activities, I might indulge him, I might tease and torment or I might not do them ever again. The choice was mine.

So we have progressed. Sometimes I feel like indulging in his favourite activities, sometimes I don't. Sometimes I prepare for them and then just don't do them. Sometimes I've spent the whole session on doing them. He never quite knows what to expect when he comes. I love the torment and tease element, but I also love the fact that one aspect of his favourite activities we are both pushing the boundaries with. I've not got anyone else at the moment who can take quite as much as he can so that alone makes me eager to participate, to get my fix, to push my boundaries.....and I'm loving every minute of it.

So to conclude, the moral of this story is the importance of communication. I'd hate to think I'd be missing out on so much fun just because we didn't understand where each other was coming from and a clearer understanding has opened up new doors for both of us.


  1. As they used to ask on management courses "do you think you heard what I thought I said?".
    I empathise with your slut. With limited opportunities to session I used to ask for my favourite activities. Fortunately, over the years, I have met some wonderful Mistresses whose personality and enthusiasm carried me along into unfamiliar territory. Now I have lots more favourites! I would encourage any "newbie" to discuss his likes and dislikes with his Mistress and then hand over control completely. Both of then will then enjoy their sessions much more and the slave will learn so much.
    Your slut, Lady Annisa, is a very lucky chap

  2. It's always great to be able to use my enthusiasm to carry people into unfamiliar territory as you say. I get such a high from converting someone to a lover from a hater....tis all good!

  3. It's a couple of years since I first read this post, and in that time I've started to feel differently about what submission might mean, both for me and the person I'm submitting to. For me, the lack of choice in the nature of the submission is (and actually always has been) a big part of the appeal, and the satisfaction. Whether that's lack of choice in the nature of the activity, or lack of choice about what I'm supposed to feel, what's key is that control is willingly given, and readily taken - a gift, for however long that moment lasts. Choice is over-rated in the modern world anyway - sometimes it's better to have less choice than more, and sometimes best of all to have none at all!