Wednesday, 18 August 2010
The Evolution of Dominance
I've written before about activity led versus control led sessioning. This blog overlaps somewhat. It more relates to personal relationships than Professional ones though that in itself may overlap too.
As I've said before, there are lots of activities I enjoy, some I absolutely love. When I first realised I had a Dominant streak BDSM was not even on my radar. I just knew that in relationships, I liked to be in control, I liked to be the one calling the shots. When I looked at the relationships I had and the men I was drawn to, I noticed I picked men who liked to be with someone like me. I did not have to wrestle with anyone for control, they happily gave up control, and for the most part it worked, and worked well.
I've been thinking recently about how I was in the old days when there was not any particular BDSM activity in my life, just the exchange of power and I wonder how I got to where I am now. Don't misunderstand, I enjoy a lot of activities, I just wonder how important it is to some people. Would they still love their Dominant/Mistress if she came from the vanilla world, had no concept of 'BDSM play' or activities, had no interest in them, but was a truly Dominant, loving, caring partner? And if the activities are very important, does that mean the Mistress as a person takes a back seat? Who is in control then? I'm not talking about fetishists here, as they clearly have a need for something to feel fulfilled, I am talking about people who identify as being submissive. If that is how they identify, surely they are submitting to the person, whether there is any play or activity involved or not.
When I go on holiday with my two houseslaves there is very little play involved. I might take some rope to tie them up of an evening, but mostly it's a time to be chilled out, chat, catch up, recharge and unwind. I don't feel under any pressure to play, and certainly would not if I did anyway. I 'know' with these two, without any doubt, that they submit to the person. Seeing me in muddy hiking boots with no make up and my hair scraped back is not a new fetish as far as I know!